Neglectful – to not properly care for someone or something.

 

This is me.  I don’t take care of myself or of my God-given gifts.  In studying JOY from the Fruits of the Spirit Bible Study, I came across the fact that abiding in Christ leads to joy.  Abiding in Christ means obeying His commands and living according to God’s will.  I’m not “abiding” when I am neglectful.  This was one of the points in Beth Moore’s study for the day.  Joy is sapped when you don’t take care of yourself or your “things”.

Neglectful – I’m always thinking I should eat better and watch my blood sugar, but I don’t.  I “put it off” to another time.  I’m always thinking I should clean the house, get rid of things that are past their usefulness, finish projects I spent good money on, etc.  But I don’t.  I let my mind get pulled in to new things – “more interesting” things.  Actually, they are things that convince me that I don’t need to take care of me, my house, my things, my relationships.

John 15:9-11:  “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain (abide) in my love. If you keep my commands, you will remain (abide) in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain (abide) in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.

How do I remember this?  Act on this?  Actually DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT?  I follow God’s commands, pray continually as I try not to get overwhelmed with figuring out how to make changes, and REMEMBER this verse.  I’ve felt this joy and I want it all the time.  I don’t want to continue living as I have been living – for YEARS talking about changing but not doing it. 

Father God – please give me a repentant heart.  I am so sorry for my neglect of you, myself, my gifts from you, my relationships.  I believe in You and I believe YOU.  I want to make changes, but my heart is not willing.  Please give me a willing heart to do the things you ask and not be overwhelmed by them or neglectful of them.

Dinner

I have a hard time with dinner.  I've gotten into a bad habit of not eating a good dinner -- not sitting at the table, not carving time out, just not doing it.  Then I end up munching all night long and that leads to a list of things that aren't good:

• I don't sleep well
• I gain weight
• I think poorly of myself

How simple would it be to make dinner, even frozen meals?  They are fast and if I watch what I get, nutritious and good for me. 

This comes back to the fact that I don't take care of myself.  Not complaining, just saying.

All it really takes is one small change to make things better.  Who says that one small change can't happen tonight......

Awake

Here I am again, filled with pain and anguish.  I know I will end up here even though I have a choice. 

I wake up at 5:15.  Who gets out of bed at 5:15 on a Saturday morning?  I know what will happen if I roll over and go back to sleep.  I do it anyway.

I am running.  I know that deep grief awaits me when I get to my destination.  I rush on anyway.  Maybe I can keep death from happening this time.  I can get there in time.  He's dead and it's my fault and I'm not there yet.  What will I tell the kids?  How will I ever live with myself? 

But wait; I KNOW this is a dream.  I KNOW the horror that waits for me once I get there is not real.  Wake Up!  WAKE UP! 

I'm still running.  The dread and the torment are building; I'm sobbing.  Literally.  Wake Up!  Shake your head; fling your arms; do it.  Nothing moves except the terror moving closer even though I'm not running any longer.  SHAKE YOUR HEAD!  MOVE!  OPEN YOUR EYES!  It's been forever and I won't get there in time.  WAKE UP!

I wake up again with tears running down my cheeks, my eyelids sore from trying to open them.  It's been 10 minutes.  It's not worth it.  I'm getting up.

Summer Explodes

Summer is an explosion of color.  I find myself looking around noticing all the places, things, and events that just shout color. 

Red, white and blue; flowers of every hue; sailboats with spinnakers furled in all their glory; fireworks; farmers' markets full of vegetables and fruits and other colorful goodies.  Women bring out a profusion of color in their clothing.  The Olympics, the Diamond Jubilee, the Tour D'France, parades, collector car shows, the State Fair.  Flowers,did I mention flowers?

Summer is the season where the colors pop. 

Memories Of That First Game

Ten little girls huddled around the ball like dust around Pigpen
Up and down the court, in chaos, but staying in their tight group
In there somewhere was a basketball

All the plays that were taught and practiced were forgotten
The coach and his voice screaming over the noise were not heard
In there somewhere was a basketball

Fall back and stay at half court; Pass to a teammate
Take a half second to look at the court and decide which play
But no, in there somewhere is a basketball

That first game ended 4 to 2; I don't remember who won
At the end of the year that tight huddle had spread out
And we could finally see the basketball

Grapefruit Pink

My favorite color right now is grapefruit pink (http://pinterest.com/dalia/grapefruit-pink/).  I love this soft mix of orange and pink.  To me grapefruit pink is complex, but very peaceful and that is what I would like my life to look like.

What does grapefruit pink look like?  It is soft, a blend of two energetic colors (pink and orange), calming, and hopeful.  Really, look at it -- what do you see?  All kinds of possibilities; just like life it is very complex but when looking at grapefruit pink it connotes calm.

What does my life look like?  It is energetic, complex, stressful, and passing by quickly.  If it was grapefruit pink, I'd enjoy it so much more.  There would be softness -- I wouldn't blame myself so quickly for things that didn't go right or things I THINK might not go right.  I would have little fear of trying something new; I would move with graceful purpose rather than hectic panic.  There would be more self-love in my life and less condemnation and judgment.

And that energetic, complex part of grapefruit pink?  I would use the gifts that God has given me to be involved with others, living the complexities of life with their support and supporting them.  I would not isolate myself and let life slide by. I'd be thankful for all the parts of my life that seem to be interruptions and a drag on my time.  After all, I have a home and things.  I have friends and a job.  Juggling these things and looking at them as something to be grateful for rather than interruptions that keep me from doing what I want to do takes a lot of effort and brain power.  If I change that attitude my life will be a little less stressful and the complexities will be challenges rather than negatives.  

Sharing life with friends, neighbors, co-workers is invigorating and calming.  I know, two adjectives at opposite ends of the spectrum.  But think about it --hearing about what someone else has been doing and considering new possibilities in your own life as well as realizing that you aren't the only one going through self-doubt and fear is both invigorating and calming.  Opposites, like pink and orange.  They seem to butt against each other, but when mixed together they are peaceful.  People can help sort out the complexities and be reminders about gratefulness. 

Spending time with God brings hope into my life.  When I don't take a few minutes every day to read His Word and pray, the day just sucks.  I get stuck in my own self-pity and self-doubt.  I let depression win.  Peace does not look like depression. 

My peace looks like grapefruit pink -- less judgmental of myself and more loving to myself; spending more time in the company of people, learning and growing with them rather than avoiding them; being grateful for my life and my "things"; believing God rather than believing in God.  He tells me He is the Way and when I let God be the Way I am at peace.  I wonder if His favorite color is grapefruit pink?

To Walk Humbly with My God

I am learning to listen.  It takes a lot for me to quiet my mind and to stop everything and just listen.  But when I do, I hear and I learn and I am awed.

With everything going on at work, I am working hard at setting boundaries.  I am also working at treating myself better so that good boundaries will be a "norm" for me and not something I will have to always think about; I will just set them and abide by them.  Today this verse was brought to my attention. 

“He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.”  Micah 6:8 (NIV)

To walk humbly with my God.  I have all kinds of decisions to make both work-related and personally.  I have been praying for direction and this I think is my answer.  Walk humbly with God.  The answers will come.

Humility is so much more than I ever thought.  As I study it I am realizing how little I understand the depth of humility.  How deep do I need to dig to pull myself out of the equation so that God can work?  it is not about me, it is about Him. 

Today as I look at the meetings that are about to happen and decisions that people will make about my future -- decisions I am told that are not mine to make -- I will try to walk humbly with my God.  Listen and wait for His words.  I will not make rash decisions today.   "Walking" denotes time -- it takes time to walk somewhere; "humbly" -- I will work at keeping myself out of the way.  He has shown me what is good -- taking the time to humbly walk with Him.  In every decision and in every thing.